I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
