mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
