I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize