I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
