I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
