i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
