How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
