I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
