you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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