I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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