***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize