I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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