Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
