A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
