i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You don't make any sense
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