I faked an abortion last night.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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