I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
