Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
