He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
