everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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