How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize