He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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