just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
