You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
