I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Boobs speak an international language.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
