You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
