I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
