Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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