I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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