ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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