finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
