Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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