i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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