if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
