Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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