Dual....:-)
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
