Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
