my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
