cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
