remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
