Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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