It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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