You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
