Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
All I want is dick and wine.
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