My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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