i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
