I can tuck mytits in my pants
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
whose parrot is this?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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