We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
