I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
