dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
