i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
