you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
