My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
