The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
