Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We left an ass print on the piano.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
