Porn is love you can see.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
