one two three fourrrrnication!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize