no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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