I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
