Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
