I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
