apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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