Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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