I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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