Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
