nut hugger
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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