Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
