Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize