i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
