but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize