I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
