She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I will be naked everywhere
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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