Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
