I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
