Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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