Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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