Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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