oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize