idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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