It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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