I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
