I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
