I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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