mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
