i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize