Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
