he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
