I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize