lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
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