I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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