He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
