Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
