She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
