if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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