Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
