i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
